I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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