omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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