I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
