I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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