This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize