i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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