he thought i was a dude.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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