he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
