So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
