no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
