I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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