I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
