whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
