I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
