i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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