Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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