you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
