You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize