Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
