she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
