There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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