i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
