Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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