My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
