Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize