He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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