Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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