He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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