what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
