I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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