why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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