in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
