Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I AM VODKA MAN
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
