god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
