WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
