My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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