i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
