And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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