Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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