Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
