i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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