The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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