hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
