my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
