I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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