Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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