Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize