dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
