I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
