mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
