shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize