So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
