I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
