she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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