honey bunches of taint.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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