Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
