ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
