you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
