Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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