Where is the hickey?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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