so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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