you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
