How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize