ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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