My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
