I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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