My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
