this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
