I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
