I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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