I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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