I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
