His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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