Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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