Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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