According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
