drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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