I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
