Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
